I feel very sick this morning, feel dizzy and tired. Luckily now is not the ‘peak season’ of submitting reports, otherwise I will screw up the whole schedule and have to work late.

I've been in this company for more than 4 months. Time past fast and I have already received an oversea training in Indonesia – right; I have been there during the date with bomb blast in front of the Australian Embassy. Jeff told me he had a sixth sense that there would be something happened but not dared to tell me before the trip. He was one of the persons terribly worried me when I was in Indonesia. It was god blessing that I could arrive Hong Kong in complete eventually.

The Indonesia trip should be an unforgettable event in my life. It is the first time I experienced terrorism in such a short distance. Le Meridien, the 5-star hotel I stayed was lovely, tidy and superior, but when we traveled around the city, I could tell the place is totally different; poor, messy transport and polluted air. However, those Indonesian colleague I met are friendly and with sparkling eyes. I believe I have yet seen Indonesia as a whole.

Another major part of the training was to understand the company culture, philosophy and some practical skills for being a market researcher. Some thoughts I agreed but others I totally objected, but it was useless to speak out because the company is not as open-mind as I believed in Day 1. This is still an Asian based company, it embraces the strong traditional and Confucius values.

The precious gift I got from this multi-nation joint function is meeting colleague from other countries or place, like Indonesia, Vietnam, Malaysia, Thailand, Singapore, Guangzhou and Shanghai. Most of them are nice and out-spoken, we spent good time together.

As there was miscommunication in the transport arrangement, in the last day, there was no coach to pick me and other Hong Kong colleague back to airport. Then we hired two ‘silver bird’ taxis in the last minute to airport. When the Cathay Pacific counter appeared in front of my eyes, I felt so peace because I believed that I was safe then, even though it is politically incorrect.

Mom and dad were worrying me a lot also, I heard that mom was sobbing and could not speak when I gave her a call after arrived Hong Kong. I wondered that whether I have joined some TVC programs like ‘Amazing Race’ or ‘Lonely Planet’ to experience an exciting trip and to fight for any intangible gifts.

人對周遭事物的認知是長時間點滴建立而成。我在不同的年紀，對這個世界持著不同的見解。還記得小時候，我心裡藏著無數謬論：
幼稚園時代，我以為：
1. 世界只有兩種民族—「中文人」及「英文人」。「中文人」即中國人，「英文人」泛指「鬼佬」及「鬼婆」。
2. 地鐵車箱內的行車路線是世界地圖，它說明了世界盡頭是「官塘」。(註：當時的地鐵未發展到現在的綜橫交錯，九龍東的總站是官塘。當然，我沒有在藍田站建好後以為地球膨脹了。
3. 當人變老了，他們都是同一個樣-白髮及架眼鏡，不論中文人及英文人也是一樣。
4. 認為巴士上那個老婆婆跟她的朋友在談論我，說我很乖，並且於四月二十匕日生日。我沾沾自喜，裝著沒聽到，自顧靜靜坐著，東張西望，一副對世界充滿好奇及野心的樣子。下車後才告訴媽媽那個我不認識的老婆婆知道我生日日期，我媽想我必是儍了。
5. 行雷門電的坐在窗前看雨，並用我的意志力控制風雨大小，有時念力用得久也要歇一歇。
6. 有個夜晚我見証過天空在數秒內由天黑變天亮。

小一時候，我認為：
1. 我有超能力，例如雙眼能發出紅色閃光把人弄暈……只是未有方法將此能力誘發出來。
2. 媽媽幫我剪的Bob look (冬菇頭)髮型叫「得意妹」裝。長大後才發覺被騙，一點也不得意，及「得意妹」裝不是流行術語，其他同學仔及髮型師皆聽不懂。
3. 英文堂老師教tense (分詞)時，很多字的past tense(過去分詞)只需在present tense (現在分詞)後加「ed」，如play的past tense 是played。我有時不敢將那個「ed」音發出來，因為人的一生能用的「ed」音是有限的，小一時用光，長大後便沒有得用。
4. 我朱唇微張，同時輕咬舌尖是很漂亮。我想我是看過當時明報週刋內模特兒們的大特寫相作為依據。

小六時候，我覺得：
1. 我會終身不嫁，因為我要陪住媽媽。

中二時候，我相信：
1. 我會長得很高，五呎八左右，因為爸爸說我腿很長，身型會跟他一樣高云云，結果不是，爸爸騙我，原來他只找機會讚自己而已。

假如天空想下雨

假如天空想下雨，那麽，我會伏在窗前，靜靜聽著它的細訴。

如果它想灑下微微雨，我會踏著拖鞋，走到花園裡，看水池中魚兒興奮地啄食雨水打在池水上翻起的微生物，或跑到梨花樹旁欣賞她帶雨的雅緻，然後細心感受雨粉落在腳趾上的舒暢。希望天空有我陪著的時候，心情會好一點。

如果它控制不了眼淚，還伴著歇斯的雷暴嚎哭，我但願能待在窗旁，看著它哭，默不昨聲，分擔它的哀愁。若果能找到它的胳膊，我會輕拍它，然後說一聲「一切將會沒事，天晴總會來。」就讓它放心哭好了，它的眼淚可了潤澤大地,它的傷心換化成淚水,再造就世界的奇迹。

Jun 12, 2004 (Sat) Sunny

Jeff went out late night to see a football match with his friends in pubs. Men do need happy hours sometimes, and I have diplomatic enough to compromise with it. However, I have missed him already before he closed the door. I thought I would feel lonely until he comes back home in the midnight. But in another second, My feeling was fine, I had my own time to do whatever I like.

I took out my lovely brand new nail polisher to do the manicure. The shiny rosy orange colour reflected on my ten nails and made me delightful. Then I jumped in front of the computer to do my new piece of My Secret Diary (this one) and listening to my favourite song. I felt alone but not lonely.

When I was making this piece of diary, Jeff sent me couples of icq messages. I wonder how come he could send me the message when he was in the way to Tsim Sha Tsui. He told me he sent by his mobile phone, and he took a snap shot with his mobile phone camera and conveyed it through internet. Didn't it romantic and lovely?

Checking the calender, I found that we have married for almost nine months. Sometimes, I could not believe this young man in front of me, who I did not know until 1996, eventually became my husband, the person I will depend on in my life. Do you believe in destiny? I believe. At least destiny determines where you were born, who are your parents and anyone you would pass by. To make is short, destiny equals to probability, but destiny is a much more sentimental and romantic term.

I have worked in my new job for a month, so far everything run smooth. Colleague are very nice and helpful. Eventhough the working hour is rather long, I do not feel totally exhausted. I have confidence to face any challenge.

I am a devoter of beauty rituals. I love to pamper myself with different kind of masks and facial treatment. For example, if I felt tired after work, I would like to take a hot aroma bath, and moisture my face with hydrating mask. After the bath, my skin would be recharged and become radiant.

Sometimes, I wonder whether all those skincare products do have effect to improve our skin. Most brands use natural ingrediants as their selling point. We comsumers believe those essense from plants and flowers nourish our skin.

However, many people who stuided chemistry told me the main ingrediant of moisturers and mask are petrolum,chemical stabilizers and preservatives. There are also many urban legends and hoaxes state a well-known brand moisturer contains acid to erode the most outer layer of skin, then the next layer of new skin will reflect a glowing appearance. It would lead to fasincating result at the beginning, but if users continue to apply it from day to day, the skin will become too thin and fragile to aging and bacterial infection.

If skincare products only bring a series of chemical reactions to our skin, does it mean we use a load of chemical weapon to combat ourselves, to acquire the short-term glamour only? I hope this is not correct. I want to be a natural beauty, it will sound so 'Michael Jackson' if women beauty are merely transformed from terrifying artifical reactions, and that enormous skincare market is the freakiest market in this planet.

May 9, 2004 (Sun) Sunny

I get a new job successfully. Now I am working in a marketing research firm with the position of Research Executive. I hope it is my dream job and I will perceive it a my career instead of a meaningless job.

I am not a flexible person to adapt changing easily. As I have went for this new job for three days, my skin became very allegic, several tiny little red spots crawled over my right face. I felt so unhappy about this. The physical appearance is very influential to personal impression and charm. I hope it will recover soon.

I have practised hot yoga for one and a half month, it seems improving my fitness and body figures effectively. I will keep try my best to keep it a weekly habit.

In the soon future, I will move out with Jeff from our existing home, it is because the commuting time is long and unbearable. A geographical theory mentions that we could calculate two transportional values of any point of place, mobility and accessibility. Mobility is about the physical distance of certain place, when accessibility measures how transportation means could shorten the transport time. Obviously, the mobility and accessibility of our current place is poor for me to travel to Hong Kong Island.

I do love the existing home where I live with my parent-in-law. They treat me like their own daughter. But I guess we should somehow grow up and to be independent. Maybe this is the first step.

I hope I will not suffer from skin allergy again when I move to a new living place.

May 6, 2004 (Thu) Cloudy & Shower

Yesterday I went shopping with my sister, we planned to buy a gift for mother for the mother's day. Mom told us that she had owned everything already and did not need any present. Frankly, women's words are not reliable something, especially before those birthdays, anniversaries, and, Mother's day.

We shopped in the Festival Walk, Kowloon Tong. (my friends always comment I am a boring idiot because I visited Festival Walk three or four times a week, they said Hong Kong is a shopping paradise with dozens of large and small shopping malls I should go) We came to a conclusion to buy mom something that she could use in her daily morning jogging.

Finally we bought a Lesportsac bag with Tic Tac flower pattern in LOGON. I saw lots of girl croweded at that Lesportsac corner to buy something for their mothers. I guessed during May 9th, an influx of Lesportsac lady will exist in every Hong Kong street corners.

Have you ever bought something for your mother? Believe me, don't trust their words or attitude that gift is not important. It is not worth to take this risk, the opportunity cost is too high. You do not hope to see your mother with long face during the tea or dinner time this Sunday, when the mom in next table indulges her ecstatic smile and is showing off her expensive gift in the public, right?