There is an emptiness in my heart.

Throughout the on-job training, I figure out my deficiency. I do not even know the basic knowledge of marketing, how could I excel in market research industry? I only have vague idea of some marketing terms, therefore it will be a turmoil if I get an opportunity to work on further sophisticated tasks.

Jargons could only be applied in specific context. When I study Anthropology, I found those geographic terms are no longer applicable in this subject, a same word may even has various meaning, while I am writing a market research proposal, my brain becomes totally BLANK!! No words could describe what I am thinking.

Sometimes I have difficulties in writing. I wonder if I am really gifted in languages and writing. My writing skill will be degraded if I stopped reading, and my brain will eat up all my vocabulary if I did not use those words for a certain period of time. But, come on, writing ability is something that you develop gradually, and it is constructed by every piece of reading you learnt , instead of putting some words in your short term memory and then wiped away when new knowledge get into the brain. But now my head is spinning, mom always said what you learn will belong to you forever, how come my mind got stuck??

I do not satisfy with my English proficiency, now I even seem an illiterate of Chinese because I seldom use it. So what on earth the person will I become? A poor little thing who is wandering in the tiny crack between two languages?

Anyway, as a layman, I should grasp some marketing text books immediately and start learning.