New Year Eve

As one of the members of this global village, I was distressed by the tsunami catastrophe in Southern Asia on last boxing day. The giant tidal wave swept across many coastal area and killed more than 100 thousands of people. Human being are just fragile and being alive is already a miracle.

I wish this devastating tradgy could be a force of solidality and bond everyone's heart, rapport could be built among nations and each of us take a little effort to relieve the poor situation.

No one can be singled out in this disaster. Please make a donation to any charity organizations.

In the new year, I wish everybody in this planet could be peaceful and joyful.

Grown-ups are weird

Last Friday my boss gave everyone a desktop Jelly Belly dispenser machine toy, with real Jelly beans contained.

Generally speaking, Jelly beans taste disgusting. Yesterday, I had one which tastes like red pepper, another tastes like peanut butter…yuck. It reminds me a famous quote from Forrest Gump - ‘life is like a box of chocolate…’

You may not imagine that a brown jelly bean will taste like peanut butter instead of chocolate, but once you realize it, you will be more careful next time when choosing the candies.

It is just like how we are choosing friends and even intimated partner(s). When you are young, we have guts to take adventures, you could still stand a flamy red color jelly bean which tastes spicy instead of strawberry sweet, but when you keep growing up, your expectation will be higher, you will no longer accept something awful and strive to improve the situation, then you will give up jelly belly and then embrace See's candy.

So far I still stand the jelly beans because they could still give me surprise; I just took one pink color with bubble gum taste.

Last night I saw ‘Taken’ in Pearl, that little girl Ellie with 1/4 blood from Alien said, ‘Grown-ups are weird.’

Jingle Bell

5 days to Christmas, we plan to see 'Kung Fu Hustle' in the Christmas Eve, and Christmas bowling on boxing day. Just can't wait!!

Last Friday, we had a Christmas party in office, we played a gift exchange game: we picked a name from a box first, then everyone should be a secret angel and bought a gift for the person with the name we got.

Then I bought a 365 days bikini hot babe calendar for Ah Wai, he is a lucky guy, he could get such suitable gift, 365 girls surround him and comfort him every OT night, they are surely fantastic OT booster!! I am sure I improve his effectiveness and increase his chance of promotion indirectly. However, Wai told me that he doesn't like 'Gwai Po'(Caucasian women), he wondered if there is a Japanese version available...

What I got is a set of MUJI skin and hair care products from May, very nice.

Today I had dinner with my parental family, Meiki gave me a gift, it is a new tiny Blythe!!! It is a ducky Blythe - she wears a yellow ducky suit and with pinky bob hair. I bought Meiki a 'Ah Mei' puppet. My cousin Agnes teased that no one could guess these two gifts are for a pair of sister in their twenties...

Now I am listening to the sound track of 'Love Actually', comforting myself in this seasonal greeting, so sweet...

Wait, I should help my daddy to post an ad here: My daddy, Charles, is going to launch his own incredible website!!!! I will surely keep you informed when it is on air!! You could not afford to miss!!

How come somebody invented waterproof MP3 player? On its package, there is a man playing with a lady in the swimming pool, and with that player hanging on his ears.

Are we really that lonely, could we just spend several minutes to say alone with our ownself, stay speechlessly, motionlessly, with no radio or music player, allow ourselves to keep closer with the earth, to listen to the nature??

What is the point to listen to MP3 when you are swimming 50M breathstroke across the pool? Do we really have 'silence-phobia'? It is totally ridiculous...

Everyday we are being bombarded by numbers of information, visual display and sound/noise, we gradually lose our intuition, we are greatly influence by our outer world. However, we need to provide ourselves time to listen to our inner voice, to confess our sin, to accept our weakness, to be proud of our pride, do not let the man-made environment to tease ourselves into pieces.

Human being highly depend on technology, our arrogance assumes that human could manipulate the nature. We drain every drop of energy, we deforest our lovely greenland, we caused the extinction of animals, we mess up the global climate, developed countries deprives the 'third world' natural resources and legitimizing its as 'achieveing the global economic development'. Somebody believe that our stupid mind could create some technology that can regenerate the natural livelihood before the industrial revolution one day, or just plainly abandoned the Earth and migrate to other planet.

I suspect if doomsday will exist one day, human stupidity is a crucial factor.

A nice and fruitful weekend.

Jeff and I supposed to accompany his mother to visit grandma in Guangzhou, but LokLok had to see doctor and we cancelled the trip. Recently my health condition was not good and my body delivered an alarm signal - I was almost faint in office, then I seized the chance to have a body check on Saturday. Thanks God the checking reflected that my body functioned very well so far.

Then Jeff brought me to Mr. Cheung, a Chinese medical practitioner his family knew for a long time. After about a minute of 'pulse checking', he said my body was imbalance, that explained why I had low blood pressure and other minor illness. Mr. Cheung advised me to take care of my body, not working too hard and being too pressurized. He thoughtfully told me that Hong Kong people work too hard for money, but they paid their health for the wealth in youth and used the wealth to exchange medicine and healing when they were old. Dedication is good, but sacrificing health and family for career success is not worth.

Seems that I had just attended an Philiosophy class, the topic was 'What is the meaning of life.'

Remember that 'Achieveing a balance of life' was a hit topic among the young executives in our company training, but when somebody raised this topic for discussion, someone in top management discouraged it, it really pissed me off.

At the same day, I popped into Anson Chan in PP, wow she is my role model, she looked so gorgeous and smart, she is a symbol of strong woman in this city.

At the same day, I found that The Princess Diary got the Volume 6 'The Princess Diary - sixsational'. I got the previous five, wondered that it would go so far to the sixth volume. I bought it without a second thought.

At the same day I had a lovely dinner with my dad, mom, Meiki and Jeff, dad was so glad because we ordered him the favourite lamb chop, and he could drink two cans of beer.

Today I went Yum Cha with my swimming friends, we had Christmas gift exchange, I got a bottle of Anna Sui Dolly Girl eau de toilette. =), nice scent!

Today Jeff sent me a little gift, it was a marble bracelet, with baby blue and baby pink beads, he said it could bring me good health. He is very very very sweet.

Drop Dead Gorgeous

Sam and I talked about BJ's Diary II today. We found this movie is like a fairy tale. Bridget Jones isn't pretty but she had an almost perfect boyfriend Mark Darcy, he is so tender and sophisticated, he rescures her anytime when she is in trouble. In reality, we are skeptial if it will happen because most men are 'driven' by physical appearance of opposite sex.

When I studied in University, my drama friend, Jose Yeung showed me his formula of choosing girlfriend, please see the formula as below:

Girl friend Acceptance Index (GFA Index) = (Physical appearance)*0.6+(Personality)*0.4
If the index is above 0.5, then he will accept that girl.

Obviously, the external beauty weights higher than internal substance. It sounds ridiculous but perfectly makes sense.

Is it horrible that people quantify and simplify the world and classify others by index?? Right, this is now what on earth I am doing everyday in my job.

昨天走到街上，繽紛的聖誕裝飾及輕快悠揚的冬日音樂浸潤了空氣，氣氛真的有點普世歡騰，在這個像整容過度女人般的維港兩岸灑上Body Shimmer。不過得老實點說，香港的12月漂亮得太過紫醉金迷，滲出濃濃的錢幣金屬味，全民也投入瘋狂的購物熱潮。畢竟聖誕節是天主教及基督教的節日，為了慶祝彌塞亞耶穌之誕生；現在我們在這麼神聖的日子舉行了市民熱衷的運動月--- Christmas shopping，真是滑稽。當然，這運動比賽在歐美也進入了白熱化階段。

這兩天過得很愜意。我看過了BJ's Diary II- The Edge of Reason，雖沒有第一集般的新鮮，但仍值得一看。BJ赤裸裸揭示著30餘歲的女性對愛情的執著，對美麗年青外表的嚮往及年華耗盡的恐懼，工作的騰折，以及與Mr. Right結婚期望。這是一套很女性化很女性化的電影；對於那些對女人不甚瞭解的遲鈍兒男人，他們看了整套戲也不知所言，對於那些怕忸怩嬌柔的'漢子'，他們會覺得它很'女人戲'；而就那些膚淺而側重外表的男人來說，這套戲令他們不能投入及集中精神，因為Renee Zellweger的增肥26磅造型在現代父系社會的審美角度來說一點也不漂亮，又怎能吸引到那些不常用腦而用其他地方思考的男人的眼珠呢？所以，如果你的男朋友男性朋友男同事丈夫爸爸公公爺爺不全屬以上三類，就帶他們去看此戲，讓他們在日常與異性生活時多點慧黠。

昨天上了第一堂Yoga Dance，帶給我很大的驚喜。印度人外貌的老師教我們做了很多印度舞的造手及步法，音樂輕快並充滿異國風情。一小時內我們跳了三支舞，流了很多汗，心情很舒暢。

There is an emptiness in my heart.

Throughout the on-job training, I figure out my deficiency. I do not even know the basic knowledge of marketing, how could I excel in market research industry? I only have vague idea of some marketing terms, therefore it will be a turmoil if I get an opportunity to work on further sophisticated tasks.

Jargons could only be applied in specific context. When I study Anthropology, I found those geographic terms are no longer applicable in this subject, a same word may even has various meaning, while I am writing a market research proposal, my brain becomes totally BLANK!! No words could describe what I am thinking.

Sometimes I have difficulties in writing. I wonder if I am really gifted in languages and writing. My writing skill will be degraded if I stopped reading, and my brain will eat up all my vocabulary if I did not use those words for a certain period of time. But, come on, writing ability is something that you develop gradually, and it is constructed by every piece of reading you learnt , instead of putting some words in your short term memory and then wiped away when new knowledge get into the brain. But now my head is spinning, mom always said what you learn will belong to you forever, how come my mind got stuck??

I do not satisfy with my English proficiency, now I even seem an illiterate of Chinese because I seldom use it. So what on earth the person will I become? A poor little thing who is wandering in the tiny crack between two languages?

Anyway, as a layman, I should grasp some marketing text books immediately and start learning.

Christmas is coming!!
Time is slipping out, last Christmas seems left me just awhile, the new christmas is coming. Remember that in last December I saw the film 'Love Actually', there were several lovely stories knitted together . Each story talked about affection, such as love between lovers, between friends, between father and son, between family, and fantasy (remember that freaky Collin took an adventure in Winconsin for sexy American sweethearts?). I like this movie so much, it soaked me in gingerbread sweet smell.

In this Christmas I look forward to see 'Bridget Jones's Diary - The Edge of Reason'. I read the book several years ago, right after 'Bridget Jones's Diary'. Jones is a representative of a very popular social status in UK - 30 somethings female singleton. Her diary diets, lousy working life, messy affair and non-stopping weight growth made you burst into a laugh. But guess what? She is not a loser, she is very attractive and people love her because of her real self.

To indulge myself in seasoning joyfulness, I bought myself a bottle of ginger scent shampoo and a pot of green apple scent creamy hair treatment in Origins. My hair is shiny and smells great (but it is still too much and too dark, like black ink spread on a piece of velvet cloth, technically speaking, my hair is like a black hat for Eskimo.... well I am just exaggerated, time is too late, I started to dream and murmur when writing this paragraph.......

昨天在明報讀到一篇有關於人類學的文章，受訪學者是我很敬重的Joseph Bosco。以下文章錄至明報11月24日：

人類學讓人明白世界運作
【 明 報 專 訊 】 從 事 人 類 學 研 究 逾 25 年 的 中 文 大 學 人 類 學 系 副 教 授 林 舟 （ Joseph Bosco ） 說 ﹕ 「 現 代 人 不 能 只 有 一 種 技 能 ， 終 身 為 一 個 僱 主 、 一 間 公 司 辦 事 ﹔ 這 樣 看 待 事 業 已 過 時 。 」 他 補 充 ， 若 認 為 傳 授 學 生 某 種 技 能 就 是 教 育 ， 這 亦 是 過 時 的 想 法 。
「 人 類 學 重 要 的 地 方 ， 在 於 它 讓 人 明 白 世 界 如 何 運 作 。 」 他 解 釋 ， 無 論 是 政 治 、 宗 教 或 市 場 推 廣 ， 都 是 形 成 社 會 文 化 的 力 量 。 他 以 市 場 推 廣 為 例 ， 行 內 人 必 須 先 明 白 大 眾 的 喜 好 ， 再 利 用 推 廣 活 動 或 廣 告 投 其 所 好 ， 方 能 提 高 大 眾 對 產 品 的 興 趣 。 「 很 多 人 認 為 市 場 推 廣 只 是 商 業 活 動 ， 其 實 ， 它 與 人 類 學 和 社 會 文 化 息 息 相 關 。 」
林 表 示 初 期 的 人 類 學 主 要 研 究 偏 遠 社 會 ， 探 討 其 他 地 方 的 文 化 特 色 ， 後 來 才 演 變 為 對 文 化 的 研 究 。 「 但 它 與 文 化 研 究 不 同 ， 文 化 研 究 通 常 透 過 文 本 如 電 影 及 小 說 去 分 析 ﹔ 人 類 學 則 藉  直 接 與 人 溝 通 去 做 研 究 。 可 以 說 兩 者 研 究 內 容 相 近 ， 但 研 究 方 法 不 同 。 」 人 類 學 家 相 信 ， 在 運 用 統 計 及 數 字 分 析 前 ， 應 先 跟 對 象 面 對 面 交 流 ， 從 他 們 的 角 度 出 發 去 理 解 問 題 ， 才 能 對 社 會 有 基 本 了 解 。
聽 似 廣 大 精 深 ， 但 人 類 學 絕 不 空 泛 。 「 我 與 太 太 在 台 灣 時 ， 很 多 台 灣 人 問 我 ﹕ 『 你 的 家 人 在 哪 裏 ﹖ 』 起 初 我 覺 得 很 奇 怪 ， 因 為 對 我 來 說 ， 太 太 和 我 就 是 一 家 人 ， 但 台 灣 人 對 家 庭 的 定 義 包 括 父 母 和 兄 弟 姊 妹 。 由 此 可 見 不 同 地 方 的 人 對 世 界 的 看 法 都 不 同 。 」
出 路 廣 泛 可 文 可 商
「 很 多 畢 業 生 告 訴 我 ， 人 類 學 的 根 基 對 他 們 了 解 辦 公 室 發 生 的 事 情 很 有 幫 助 。 每 個 辦 公 室 都 有 不 同 的 文 化 ， 市 場 推 廣 部 跟 工 程 部 就 是 兩 個 世 界 ， 都 很 難 明 白 對 方 的 運 作 。 人 類 學 畢 業 生 懂 得 明 白 他 人 的 角 度 ， 幫 助 同 事 化 解 矛 盾 。 」 林 謂 人 類 學 畢 業 生 的 出 路 很 廣 泛 ， 除 博 物 館 和 教 學 外 ， 很 多 人 都 從 事 市 場 推 廣 、 商 業 及 公 關 工 作 ， 他 相 信 這 與 學 生 的 人 際 溝 通 技 巧 及 觸 覺 敏 教銳 有 關 。
隨  「 三 三 四 」 學 制 改 革 將 通 識 教 育 列 為 必 修 科 ， 林 相 信 ， 愈 來 愈 多 人 會 明 白 ， 教 育 不 只 是 為 了 畢 業 後 找 份 工 作 。 他 認 為 ， 這 項 改 革 亦 會 間 接 讓 人 更 明 白 人 類 學 的 好 處 。

還記得初時堅决辭工修讀人類學碩士課程，很多人認為我太衝動，或只是捱不住工作煎敖，被家人寵壞而躲到象牙塔避世，或是人生沒有目標，胡亂是找書讀。曾聽過人前人後的冷言冷語或"忠告"，但令我最窩心的事我的家人及幾位朋友很支持，亦很明白我的理念。我决定選讀該學科是要學習觀察世界及促進自我成長。或許這碩士學銜對找工作幫助不大，但昇華自己的世界觀，拓濶自已的眼界是不是因為沒有可計算的市場價值就一文不值？

教育不是只為找工作，莘莘學子所需要的遠於職業先修的培訓。

I lost my cosmetic bag!!

I lost my most favorite Blythe cosmetic bag; it contained one orange pink lip stick, one pearly pink lip gloss, one box of lovely orange blush, one tube of lip balm, one pack of oil blotter and a brush. There are now ALL GONE.

I like this Blythe cosmetic bag very much, the mixed cute and evil looked Blythe smiled innocently in the front side of this cosmetic bag, with a hairy yellow bird at her right hand side. There were lots of yellowish little flowers settled at another side. I bought it from JC shop a year ago. But now it ESCAPED from me. It is so rebellious!!

I am adopting 5 little Blythe: Golden chicken B, Sweetie tartan B, Pinky mermaid B, Icy B and Stylish artist B. They are quiet (never talk) and obedient so far, but I know they are little devils implicitly.

You may feel scary because you have no idea what I am talking about; it seems that I had crushed my brain. Alright, the 5 little Blythe are five tiny dolls I have. Blythe is a weird look doll with extraordinary big head and big eyes. She is a totem of modern beauty, which is a sort of anti-traditional beauty and an acceptance of weird, freaky outlook. The non-proportional body is adding the attractiveness of her.

Coincidently, I am also having a non-proportional big head, but someone tells me only clever people get big brain. How can people have big brain if they do not have a spacious skull to hold it, right?
**********
P.S. As I know Cathy will read my diary, I want to leave a message for her: Don’t worry too much about the job!! Relax and you shall overcome!!!

Our life is rushing.

We rush to go for work everyday, We rush to have a breakfast right before the computer, rush to attend meeting and presentation, rush to have lunch, rush to meet deadline, rush to meet friends, rush to have dinner, rush to sleep and then rush to wake up after the alarm clock has already rung at the third time.

People rush for detoxifying, rush for anti-aging, rush to crush into somebody else, rush into dating, rush into marriage, rush to bear kids, rush to be successful and famous.

I don't know why people say 'when you are suffocating yourself, you should let yourself breathe', it is an absolute fallacy, but the meaning in between thi sentence is allowing yourself to release and take time. However, we always feel that our life is too short and no idle time could be squeezed.

Okay, I should rush to go bed, should rush to finish the work on time tomorrow.

Last Friday Jeff and I went back my parental family and had a nice dinner. Dad's computer got some problem so Jeff helped him to fix. I asked Mom to go shopping with me then two of us had some chance for 'girls' talk'.

We shopped in Nice Claup, Mom said those trendiest cape looked fab, she asked me to buy one. Wow, what a stylish Mom. Then we went to Joy & Peace, she gave me lots of comment for choosing shoes and boots, I wanted to give her a great treat and buy her a pair of nice heels, but she said she had enough heels and seldom had chance to wear.

I want to tell you something about my Mom. She is a workaholic, a incredible time keeper and a rigid supervisor. She always ordered me, MeiKi and Dad what should do and what should eat and where should go. Sometimes we asked her to let us alone, but it is undenible that she always makes everything in right place and in details. Her food is excellent, and she keeps the home shiny clean. My mom is also great at tailoring clothes, she helps MeiKi to make dancing costume, and she makes clothes for me, which is amazing.

I couldn't agree more than Mom is a strong woman, she is also a happy lady. What she strives for is stability but not prosperity, therefore she never has hunger on brand clothes, LV bags and precious jewellery. I wondered if she had achieved the self-acutalization because she figured out the geunine happiness.

Go back to our girls' talk conversation. My mom asked if we could move out from my parent-in-law house if Jeff and I would have baby. I could make to assumption here: 1. Mom wants to have grand-children, 2. She simply want to know where we want to build our own little nest. I told mom we wished to leave the place we were living, just depends when it would be the right time, and not yet confirmed the place.

I guess Jeff and I are about to take a step into the new stage of life!

I am sick, I am hiding in my room, alone.
I caught a cold, I am not sure who transmitted it to me, or I generated it by myself, because I skipped several dinners last week. What I worry is if I had transmitted the disease to two babies I played with over the weekend.

My left ear feels funny, it is itching, maybe my respiratory system plus ear also get infected. I do not feel satisfactory with some parts of my body, one part is my pair of ears. I love them because they are so small, they are not good looking but at least look delicated, but I just wonder whether my ears will deteroiate rapidly simply because they are too small, and I could not listen to the world very soon?

Last weekend I was very busy, I attended a cake baking and pottery class on Friday night, then I notice that I am handicapped in cooking. 'Cooked' in my dictionary means whatever relating to food preparing, including making coffee and mixing cocktails, not to mention creating a dish. However, I should change this situation, because my husband said an attractive woman could make several good dishes. Pottery is something I like, I made a mug for Jeff, it is his birthday present. I hope I will keep learning pottery.

Then Saturday, I went to Kimmy's (my boss's) home, we did have fun. Doris's 6-month baby girl was extremely lovely, she had curled hair and 'chinese eyes', I took lot of photos with her.

Then Saturday evening, I saw a drama performance with Sam, the show was about gay people. Wow, it was breathtaking.

I felt so sleepy, take a nap and then go to see doctor. Then I should work on the proposal today.

I finished the book The five people you meet in heaven from Mitch Albom, the author of Tuesdays with Morris. Like the book Tuesdays, this book contains painful and sad stories, it stated how an old man washed away his sorrow, hatre and sin in heaven.

This book made me upset, the story is beautiful but not cherishing, I nearly cried when I reached the ending . I love the last sentence, '...and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one.' Life of everyone actually interlinked, everyone love and hate and torture others and then affect stories of others. It is the demonstration of Chaotic Theory.

The book is not bad, but I will not read this kind of book again, I am too attached to the story.

Just read a piece of news about the explosion of firework from two containers in Denmark, someone lost their life and others were being frightened. Wasn't it sad? The most glorious sparkling firework, which represents prosperity and joy, relates to death and instability. The world is full of contradiction.

I guess I should now grasp some silly comics to read.

Books I have read in 2004

It seems too early to have a year round-up of anything, but I would like to take a note of what books I've read so far this year. I will update this diary from time to time until year end.

1) Boy meets girl (Meg Cobat)
2) Small Town Girl (Claudine Cullimore)
3) Sex & the City (Candace Bushrell)
4) The Sophie's World - Chinese Version (Jostein Gaarder)
5) Big Fish (Daniel Wallace)
6) Victoria & the Rouge (Meg Cobat)
7) Signals - How to use body language for power, success and love (Allan Pease)
8) How to be a Bobo in 7 days (Forgot the author's name)
9) Tuesdays with Morrie (Mitch Albom)
10) Can you keep a secret? - Chinese Version (Sophie Kinsella)
11) The tipping point - How little thing can make a big difference (Malcom Gladwell)
12) The secret dreamland of a shopaholic (Sophie Kinsella)
13) The five people you meet in heaven (Mitch Albom)

Please recommend any nice books you know, thanks.

Skin care corner
I had a hot pot dinner with my family tonight. We enjoyed the time so much. Dad drank four bottles of beer and talked a lot. Mom act as our commander to instruct us every appropriate moment to pour certain food into the pot. Meiki, as usual, kept quiet and ate as much as she could. Jeff had lot of fatty meat and fish. Me, ordered my favourite 'drunken chicken' soup base for the hot pot and drank the soup with a raw egg. Delicious.

However, hot pot is not good for skin, infact, I had already had hot pot yesterday night with Jeff and his ex-classmates. It is time to pamper my skin. I have several skin care DIY tips would love to share with you:
1. Firming face mask
Ingredients: an egg (or with honey)
Method: Simply get the egg white for normal to oily skin, or use both eggwhite and egg yolk(mix them by egg-stirrer). Honey could be added if you like. Put the mixture directly onto the face. For eggwhite mask, please leave one minute (not more) and then rinse. This mask could tighten your pores and make your face firmer and cleaner. The eggwhite and yolk mask is perfect for dry skin, please leave it two minutes to nourish your skin, then rinse.
2. Hand scrub
Ingredients: Olive oil (extra virgin) and sugar
Method: Mix the ingredients, then appy the mixture onto your hand by gentle circulating motion. Sugar could effectively remove dead skin while olive oil intensively soften your skin. This scrub is very cheap and good for dry hands or hands with chapped skin. You could use this as body scrub for your arms and legs.
3. Lip therapy
Ingredients: Vaseline (or your favourite lip balm, I suggest to use those lip balm in a pot, not moisturzing lipstick. My favourite brand is Kiehl's and Bloom)
Method: Pick a dab of vaseline or lip balm into a small container and mix it with certain amount of sugar. Use the mixture as lip scrub, apply it onto your lips by gentle circulating motion (remember they are your lips, not the wall, treat them softly or you will be bleeding), then rinse. After this step, re-apply a thick layer of vaseline or lip balm onto your lips again, use a piece of cling wrap to cover them for 15 minutes, and remove the cling wrap and let the excess balm to be absorb. Please do this therapy before sleep, you will find your lips so kissable in the next morning.
4. Cleansing mask
Ingredient: Yogurt (plain flavour, do not choose strawberry or other flavours)
Method: Simply apply the certain amount (depends on how much you need, you know, people do not have same size of face) of yogurt and wait for 10 minutes, then rinse. The yogurt could clean (but not deeply clean) your skin and make your face more radiant. This mask may not be the same effective as those ready-to-use products in the market, but you could still see the effect in long run.
5. Yummy hair moisturizing mask
Ingredients: Olive oil (extra virgin), egg yolk, honey
Method: Mix all ingredients and then apply the mixture into hair (not to your tongue, even though it tastes not bad), massage it through your every strand of hair. Wait for 20 minutes (or longer), then rinse. Shampoo and conditioner afterward as usual. You will find your hair velvetly soft and shiny.

Hope these 5 tips help you to save money and increase your charm. It is wise for every beauty lover to prepare several ingredients at home: Olive oil (extra virgin), sugar and honey. They are not only nourish skin, but also taste great.

Last week was my movie's week, I've seen several movies - '2046', 'The unbearable lightness of being', and a documentary film, 'Secondary School'.

The script of '2046' is fair and I love the meaning behind this magic year (everything will keep unchanged because it is the 50th years since Hong Kong sovereignty returned to China). 'The unbearable lightness of being' is too 'heavy' for me, it is full of sorrow, it narrates how Czech was condemned by the political instability. The surface of the story is simply about the relationship between a womanizing surgeon, his wife and his lover, but it is also symbolised how Czech people suffering in the old days. While 'Secondary School' closly shot about two so-called Band 1 schools, one is my school St. Catharine's, another one is Ying Wah. The film brings out a lot of queries about the problematic education system in Hong Kong for audience to think about . It was funny that I saw lot of teachers whom I was familiar with in the movie.

All of these three films are in diversified categories but also reflected the weekness of human being or our system. I like all of them, but if I made a choice again, I would pick a comedy to enjoy during weekend.

Unproductive day
My boss Jelly invited me, Candy, Jim (his name is Ralph today) to Yacht Club for lunch, YACHT CLUB!!! People always point their nose to sky when they tell others they go to YACHT CLUB. Jelly wanted to thank me and Candy for the expensive lunch in Japanese restaurant we treated him in his birthday. See? We guys practiced ‘reciprocity’ to maintain the good relationship.

Yesterday I felt quite pissed off because my client caught me making mistake in some charts. I hated myself a lot because I was angry about my carelessness. But it was a little bit surprise that the client tried to talk with me in his cigarette break to soothe my tension. He asked whether I was busy and how the time was when all guys in my company was having a 5 days incentive oversea trip and left me and other new hirers in office.

I will try to be more careful and alert in the next time.

This morning I didn’t feel quite well, some butterflies in my stomach. When I opened the files, I just wanted to vomit, I wanted to slip away or hide in the toilet. I did not know why, just felt stressful. My productivity gets improved this afternoon, but as some data have problem in the program, I need to wait until the program resume, it explains why I am now pretending busy and type diary on the word document.

Ah, I’ve finished the book ‘The secret dreamland of a shopaholic’ yesterday. I will start another book tomorrow. Tonight I will see the movie 2046.

Let’s check whether I could get back to my work now.

Oh today I got a comment from my lovely Grace, my 'daughter-in-law' when we were Form 2. She requested if Oey Wai and I could mention how we drew 'graffiti' on Ms. Mo's note. Ms. Mo was a new teacher that year and she was the sternest one at that moment, people just believed that we had some mental illness because we had challenged her. Actually Ms. Mo is a cheerful girl, she also studied St. Catharines before and she is typically 100% St. Cat old girl, - smart and crazy. In her second year as a teacher, Ms. Mo totally changed her teaching style and simply reflected her own self. I asked why she act remotely in the first year, she said because she thought it was 'cool'....

Okay let's talk about the legend we made. When we were form 4, Oeywai and I were form captains and PE captains, and Ms. Mo was quite familiar with us. At that time, all PE team members should participate the before-class workout once a week to maintain their level and strength, and we were one of them. One day, Ms. Mo sticked a note on PE board to tell everyone that the training would be terminated as the exam was approaching, and a smile face was drawn on that note. Then Ms. Oey and I came out a silly idea and added several lines at that lovely smile face, it was eventually transformed as to little evil with fierce teeth, a big 'fork' on the right hand and 2 spots of fire surrounded it.
When Ms. Mo discovered it, she felt so angry, but ridiculously asked two of us to investigate who did it. When we went back to our class, we laughed ecstatically, it was indifference to the situation that a police asked the thieves to catch thieves, right?
The truth was covered until I was in Form 6, that is, two years later, when I became a type of friend with Ms. Mo, I told her in Cafe de Coral. She was shocked and pretended that she knew it a long time ago, but what the truth is she also thought it was funny!, and the story was spreading from mouth to mouth!!

當我發現中學儍乎乎好朋友Oeywai在我"謬論篇"文章中留言時，煞事開心。Oeywai中學時柬著短髮，人很鬼靈精，非常爽朗，言行舉止流露著不言而諭的男兒氣概。此種女子，在我們女校特別吃得開。可能她的"啪"手指絕技真的令人覺得她很型(詳情請查閱她的留言)。我跟她玩時，有時也害怕別人會視我為情敵。

Oeywai是我中學時期最好的朋友。我們闊別多年，再見她已是大家出來工作了。還記得我在官塘"舊麥記"等她，搜尋一個"男人"的物體縱影時，一個長直髮，樣子很古惑的女子古古怪怪的對住我笑。"What!!!?"她竟然進化成女子???

我們見面雖不多，但每次我都有很多事告訴她，她是很好的聆聽者，很會體諒人。後來我結婚找她作姊妹，她二話不說應承了。結婚當天，她幫了我打點很多，我真的覺得自已很幸運。

好了，我不再說，她會囂張。

現在工作上，我很幸運地遇到另一個好朋友SamSam,我們有說不完的話題，互相支持。有她在身邊，人也開心點。

希望所有朋友們也愉快地體驗著生活，演活自己的故事。

I had a great Friday night and Saturday. It reminds me having 5-day work is a god blessing thing.

In this quiet season, I could waltz away from office with Sam at 6:15pm. Then we went to a small cafe called 'You & me' at the opposite of our building. We had an hour long chat. I ordered Horlick and Sam asked for a cup of coffee to boost herself up. Then the waiter brought me the coffee and Sam the Holick. I joked that I was elder than Sam and deserved coffee, a drink for adulthood.

This was the great beginning of my weekend life.

Today I had a facial treatment at Clarins, and supposed to have a hair straightening treatment in Espirit, but I cancelled the appointment in the very last moment. The reasons were, 1.I still had not made up my mind if I wanted to have it, 2. it is very expensive, and I should spend money wisely, and 3. need to stay more than five hours in the same place to see how the hair stylist 'iron' bring pain to my ass, and 4. I might not be look great in straight hair. After the cancellation, I felt wonderful and believed myself was a wise girl.

The happiest thing I encountered today was getting a 3D Levis jeans. It is difficult for me to have a suitable jeans because I do not have chopstick-like legs, rather, I have a pair of round thighs. (If you know who Betty Boop is, you could image how my legs look like... but surely Betty Boop pretty exaggerates my case) But guess what? When I got in a causal wear shop and flipped through the racks of jeans column, I found a 3D cutting jeans and loved it in the first sight, then I asked a sales assitant if I could try it on. In the changing room, I pulled the jeans up to my waist, the action was unbelievely seamless and without any inches of fat hindered the way. Oh it perfectly fits! You know what? This was really the first time experience since my adolence period (I got round thighs because I swam a lot in that period, you could see lot of swimmers in Olympic also had this physical characteristic). My heart beated so fast and then rushed out to mirror, and in the reflection, oh my god, the jeans perfectly matched with me, I am a girl-of-3D-jeans.

Now it rest in my wardrobe peacefully, I don't wanna admit it but I just feel so satisfactory. However, on the other hands, I felt boring to shop shop shop and spend spend spend, I mean, I want to spend my time on somethings with is more meaningful. I start to attached negative feeling to shopping after reading the hilarious novel 'The Secret Dreamworld of a Shopaholic', which talked about how Rebecca Bloomwood bought lot of things to made her looked fad but actually she could not afford, and then she faced great problem of bank overdraft, she felt stressful but tried to relief it by - shopping, and then made the financial problem more serious, until....'

Jeff and I then decided to go library tomorrow, a place where I visited every weekend with I was very young. Let see if we could wake up early and be good kids tomorrow.

September 28, 2004 is my first wedding anniversary. When I turned my head and had a review of this year, I just discovered that I had left my parental family and got involved in my husband’s family for a whole year.

At the very beginning, I did not get use to my new status, it seemed that everyone treated me differently, and I missed my mom and dad badly. During the Honeymoon in Banyan Tree, one night I cried heavily because I wanted to go back to my parents. I just wonder if the lavender and sandal scent at the room drove me to release all my emotion.

Then I worked painfully in my previous job, as my ex-boss superstitiously believed married women would never devote in their jobs. It would be alright if I was really what he supposed, but it was so pathetic I was totally in another way. To gain his trust, I worked even harder, but I couldn’t gain the respect I deserved. It was 3 months after I got married.

That’s why I made one of my wisest decisions in my life; I quitted that sick place and stepped on my new career path. In between the jobs Jeff and I went to Japan. It was my first time to Disneyland, we spent great time there.

Gradually, I could not even sense that I have got used to my new life. Now I am also having a new job, when some moment I felt extremely exhausted, I found that my own little family is an anchor for me.

Last Thursday Sam and I got a 20 minutes tarot reading session. The practitioner, Jeff, is a round face young man. Although it was quite expensive, $190 for a session, we still thought it was worth.

Tarot is a deck of 78 cards originated in Northern Italy 500 years ago. The cards contain various symbols deeply rooted in Medieval and Renaissance Europe, many relate to myths or legends. It is a tool of divination and is believed to reveal the hidden reality or psychological thoughts. People always associate tarot with magic, gypsies, spell or witchcraft. As the idea of 'New Age' is growing rapidly in the recent decades, more and more people believe tarot is a effective tool for guidance.

I always have great interest to study the 'supernatual' stuff. Remember that my most favourite course in Anthopology is 'Magic, Myth and Supernatural'. Divination is one of the topics in this course, anthropologists could not prove whether tarot or other fortune telling are 'true', but we assume that they make sense in cultures and fulfill human's psychological needs.

We were excited while having the tarot reading but kept reminding ourselves with skeptical attitude. You know, being market researchers, we should be rational to everything we see and hear. After we had asked questions, Jeff drew out several cards and made interpretation. His interpretation was greatly influenced by the depth of question we provided. For example, Sam asked him several specific questions, he could guess her current situation accurately and then provided her some guidance. However, the questions I asked were very vague, then his interpretation was not that satisfactory. That is why I commented that tarot reader is like psychiatrist, he/she helps you to unwind your inner struggle, and through rationalising the interpretation, you could find your direction in the cloudly situation.

It was a very amazing experience, and I will encourage my friends to have a shot of it. I do not think people who believe tarot reading is superstitious, as long as they do not totally depend on it to make any single decision.

Yesterday was my direct boss, Jelly's birthday. (Surely Jelly is a nick name). I did not know until 5:15pm, whenI came over his office to discuss about fixing up some charts, he then updated a file name and asked me what the date was.

'um.. 21st.' I replied.
'No.' He said
'No?...' I wondered.
Then he cried out 'Today is my birthday!!!'
'Oh so happy birthday!' It was a conditional response, no need to pass through the brain.
'So you better remember that.' He said in a funny voice.

Then today me and another colleague treated him lunch in a Japanese restaurant downstairs. He looked very cheerful, like a Santa Claus (he has all the features of this fairy tale character - round face, little hair on the crown but lot of hair around the chin, full and rosy cheeks, and blue eyes). He promised he would pay us a lunch next time.

Then today afternoon I don't have much work to do, I could even have a drink with my buddies after work and go for the dinner with my hubby and his friends. This is the life I missed in the last 4 months.

I feel very sick this morning, feel dizzy and tired. Luckily now is not the ‘peak season’ of submitting reports, otherwise I will screw up the whole schedule and have to work late.

I've been in this company for more than 4 months. Time past fast and I have already received an oversea training in Indonesia – right; I have been there during the date with bomb blast in front of the Australian Embassy. Jeff told me he had a sixth sense that there would be something happened but not dared to tell me before the trip. He was one of the persons terribly worried me when I was in Indonesia. It was god blessing that I could arrive Hong Kong in complete eventually.

The Indonesia trip should be an unforgettable event in my life. It is the first time I experienced terrorism in such a short distance. Le Meridien, the 5-star hotel I stayed was lovely, tidy and superior, but when we traveled around the city, I could tell the place is totally different; poor, messy transport and polluted air. However, those Indonesian colleague I met are friendly and with sparkling eyes. I believe I have yet seen Indonesia as a whole.

Another major part of the training was to understand the company culture, philosophy and some practical skills for being a market researcher. Some thoughts I agreed but others I totally objected, but it was useless to speak out because the company is not as open-mind as I believed in Day 1. This is still an Asian based company, it embraces the strong traditional and Confucius values.

The precious gift I got from this multi-nation joint function is meeting colleague from other countries or place, like Indonesia, Vietnam, Malaysia, Thailand, Singapore, Guangzhou and Shanghai. Most of them are nice and out-spoken, we spent good time together.

As there was miscommunication in the transport arrangement, in the last day, there was no coach to pick me and other Hong Kong colleague back to airport. Then we hired two ‘silver bird’ taxis in the last minute to airport. When the Cathay Pacific counter appeared in front of my eyes, I felt so peace because I believed that I was safe then, even though it is politically incorrect.

Mom and dad were worrying me a lot also, I heard that mom was sobbing and could not speak when I gave her a call after arrived Hong Kong. I wondered that whether I have joined some TVC programs like ‘Amazing Race’ or ‘Lonely Planet’ to experience an exciting trip and to fight for any intangible gifts.

人對周遭事物的認知是長時間點滴建立而成。我在不同的年紀，對這個世界持著不同的見解。還記得小時候，我心裡藏著無數謬論：
幼稚園時代，我以為：
1. 世界只有兩種民族—「中文人」及「英文人」。「中文人」即中國人，「英文人」泛指「鬼佬」及「鬼婆」。
2. 地鐵車箱內的行車路線是世界地圖，它說明了世界盡頭是「官塘」。(註：當時的地鐵未發展到現在的綜橫交錯，九龍東的總站是官塘。當然，我沒有在藍田站建好後以為地球膨脹了。
3. 當人變老了，他們都是同一個樣-白髮及架眼鏡，不論中文人及英文人也是一樣。
4. 認為巴士上那個老婆婆跟她的朋友在談論我，說我很乖，並且於四月二十匕日生日。我沾沾自喜，裝著沒聽到，自顧靜靜坐著，東張西望，一副對世界充滿好奇及野心的樣子。下車後才告訴媽媽那個我不認識的老婆婆知道我生日日期，我媽想我必是儍了。
5. 行雷門電的坐在窗前看雨，並用我的意志力控制風雨大小，有時念力用得久也要歇一歇。
6. 有個夜晚我見証過天空在數秒內由天黑變天亮。

小一時候，我認為：
1. 我有超能力，例如雙眼能發出紅色閃光把人弄暈……只是未有方法將此能力誘發出來。
2. 媽媽幫我剪的Bob look (冬菇頭)髮型叫「得意妹」裝。長大後才發覺被騙，一點也不得意，及「得意妹」裝不是流行術語，其他同學仔及髮型師皆聽不懂。
3. 英文堂老師教tense (分詞)時，很多字的past tense(過去分詞)只需在present tense (現在分詞)後加「ed」，如play的past tense 是played。我有時不敢將那個「ed」音發出來，因為人的一生能用的「ed」音是有限的，小一時用光，長大後便沒有得用。
4. 我朱唇微張，同時輕咬舌尖是很漂亮。我想我是看過當時明報週刋內模特兒們的大特寫相作為依據。

小六時候，我覺得：
1. 我會終身不嫁，因為我要陪住媽媽。

中二時候，我相信：
1. 我會長得很高，五呎八左右，因為爸爸說我腿很長，身型會跟他一樣高云云，結果不是，爸爸騙我，原來他只找機會讚自己而已。

假如天空想下雨

假如天空想下雨，那麽，我會伏在窗前，靜靜聽著它的細訴。

如果它想灑下微微雨，我會踏著拖鞋，走到花園裡，看水池中魚兒興奮地啄食雨水打在池水上翻起的微生物，或跑到梨花樹旁欣賞她帶雨的雅緻，然後細心感受雨粉落在腳趾上的舒暢。希望天空有我陪著的時候，心情會好一點。

如果它控制不了眼淚，還伴著歇斯的雷暴嚎哭，我但願能待在窗旁，看著它哭，默不昨聲，分擔它的哀愁。若果能找到它的胳膊，我會輕拍它，然後說一聲「一切將會沒事，天晴總會來。」就讓它放心哭好了，它的眼淚可了潤澤大地,它的傷心換化成淚水,再造就世界的奇迹。

Jun 12, 2004 (Sat) Sunny

Jeff went out late night to see a football match with his friends in pubs. Men do need happy hours sometimes, and I have diplomatic enough to compromise with it. However, I have missed him already before he closed the door. I thought I would feel lonely until he comes back home in the midnight. But in another second, My feeling was fine, I had my own time to do whatever I like.

I took out my lovely brand new nail polisher to do the manicure. The shiny rosy orange colour reflected on my ten nails and made me delightful. Then I jumped in front of the computer to do my new piece of My Secret Diary (this one) and listening to my favourite song. I felt alone but not lonely.

When I was making this piece of diary, Jeff sent me couples of icq messages. I wonder how come he could send me the message when he was in the way to Tsim Sha Tsui. He told me he sent by his mobile phone, and he took a snap shot with his mobile phone camera and conveyed it through internet. Didn't it romantic and lovely?

Checking the calender, I found that we have married for almost nine months. Sometimes, I could not believe this young man in front of me, who I did not know until 1996, eventually became my husband, the person I will depend on in my life. Do you believe in destiny? I believe. At least destiny determines where you were born, who are your parents and anyone you would pass by. To make is short, destiny equals to probability, but destiny is a much more sentimental and romantic term.

I have worked in my new job for a month, so far everything run smooth. Colleague are very nice and helpful. Eventhough the working hour is rather long, I do not feel totally exhausted. I have confidence to face any challenge.

I am a devoter of beauty rituals. I love to pamper myself with different kind of masks and facial treatment. For example, if I felt tired after work, I would like to take a hot aroma bath, and moisture my face with hydrating mask. After the bath, my skin would be recharged and become radiant.

Sometimes, I wonder whether all those skincare products do have effect to improve our skin. Most brands use natural ingrediants as their selling point. We comsumers believe those essense from plants and flowers nourish our skin.

However, many people who stuided chemistry told me the main ingrediant of moisturers and mask are petrolum,chemical stabilizers and preservatives. There are also many urban legends and hoaxes state a well-known brand moisturer contains acid to erode the most outer layer of skin, then the next layer of new skin will reflect a glowing appearance. It would lead to fasincating result at the beginning, but if users continue to apply it from day to day, the skin will become too thin and fragile to aging and bacterial infection.

If skincare products only bring a series of chemical reactions to our skin, does it mean we use a load of chemical weapon to combat ourselves, to acquire the short-term glamour only? I hope this is not correct. I want to be a natural beauty, it will sound so 'Michael Jackson' if women beauty are merely transformed from terrifying artifical reactions, and that enormous skincare market is the freakiest market in this planet.

May 9, 2004 (Sun) Sunny

I get a new job successfully. Now I am working in a marketing research firm with the position of Research Executive. I hope it is my dream job and I will perceive it a my career instead of a meaningless job.

I am not a flexible person to adapt changing easily. As I have went for this new job for three days, my skin became very allegic, several tiny little red spots crawled over my right face. I felt so unhappy about this. The physical appearance is very influential to personal impression and charm. I hope it will recover soon.

I have practised hot yoga for one and a half month, it seems improving my fitness and body figures effectively. I will keep try my best to keep it a weekly habit.

In the soon future, I will move out with Jeff from our existing home, it is because the commuting time is long and unbearable. A geographical theory mentions that we could calculate two transportional values of any point of place, mobility and accessibility. Mobility is about the physical distance of certain place, when accessibility measures how transportation means could shorten the transport time. Obviously, the mobility and accessibility of our current place is poor for me to travel to Hong Kong Island.

I do love the existing home where I live with my parent-in-law. They treat me like their own daughter. But I guess we should somehow grow up and to be independent. Maybe this is the first step.

I hope I will not suffer from skin allergy again when I move to a new living place.

May 6, 2004 (Thu) Cloudy & Shower

Yesterday I went shopping with my sister, we planned to buy a gift for mother for the mother's day. Mom told us that she had owned everything already and did not need any present. Frankly, women's words are not reliable something, especially before those birthdays, anniversaries, and, Mother's day.

We shopped in the Festival Walk, Kowloon Tong. (my friends always comment I am a boring idiot because I visited Festival Walk three or four times a week, they said Hong Kong is a shopping paradise with dozens of large and small shopping malls I should go) We came to a conclusion to buy mom something that she could use in her daily morning jogging.

Finally we bought a Lesportsac bag with Tic Tac flower pattern in LOGON. I saw lots of girl croweded at that Lesportsac corner to buy something for their mothers. I guessed during May 9th, an influx of Lesportsac lady will exist in every Hong Kong street corners.

Have you ever bought something for your mother? Believe me, don't trust their words or attitude that gift is not important. It is not worth to take this risk, the opportunity cost is too high. You do not hope to see your mother with long face during the tea or dinner time this Sunday, when the mom in next table indulges her ecstatic smile and is showing off her expensive gift in the public, right?

April 30, 2004 (Fri) Cloudy

I had attended a 'Creative & Positive Thinking' workshop with my friend many years ago. She believed it would be very good for me, because I seldom had smile shining on my face at that time. In the workshop, I could remember the instructor taught us to understand our feeling, and to listen our passion and soul. She also suggested us to have meditation every night before bed. Frankly, I could not get a lot from that class, surely it was my own problem, I did not totally open my heart to this new learning.

The wisdom of positive thinking existed a long long time ago, but it became a popular topic in the recent decade. Lots of seminars and self-help books talking about Emotional quotient (EQ), Adversity quotient (AQ), self growing and development.

This Wednesday I met one of my closest girl friends for a yoga class. She is a believer of positive thinking, human's energy and karma. It is just similar to other people who believe in gravity, correlation and the Universe. She knew that I felt desperate recently, then she suggested me to have positive thinking. She said If you believe you could achieve something finally, then this energy (I guess it means psychic energy) will interact with the Universe, and you dream may finally realized.

Then I tried to think and act positively, I seized all chances, and then I received several good news this weekend. I should say a great thanks for her.

It reminds me that when I have the last Religious study class in my Form 5, we were nervous about the Hong Kong Certicate of Education Examination (HKCEE, a public exam in HK), our bible teacher Mrs. Chung sent us her favourite quote as an encouragement: "God loves you and have a wonderful plan in your life!" It is a quote from an Anonymous.

April 27, 2004 (Tue) Fair

Today is my 27th birthday, I believe I should write down something, but today I just feel blue and have no special feeling.

Then now I am having a retrospect in my mind how I lived the past 26 years.

When I was a tiny kid, I guess around 3, I loved drawing. Once I had drawn dozen of chicken (with a hen in front of the line) on the wall, my parents felt angry and hit me heavily (physical punishment was acceptable at that time). Then they bought me a set of crayons and note pad and I was only allowed to draw on the note pad. Then what I did when boring was drawing.

When I was a primary school student, competition started among classmates, mom & dad always told me studying hard was my responsibility, their repsonsibility were raising the family. In that age, I felt that I started to have desire in this materialistic world, I wished to have those fancy stationaries my classmates had, like Hello Kitty eraser, Melody note book, etc. I think the comsuming culture of children in that decade was highly influenced by the Japanese culture.

It was my great fortune that I have a great daddy, at that period, my daddy introduced me a lot of local and foreign great novels, including Jane Eyre, Great Expectation, Love Education and Garfield comic. It aroused my reading interest. I visited library every Sunday, accompanied with my daddy and sister. My mom was a traditional decent housewife, she would prepare the meal for us at home.

When I was a secondary school student, my parent thought that I was too quiet and too shy, they encouraged me to participate in lots of extra-curricular activities. It was honestly, quite different with other parents' practice. They suggested me to join the Girl Guide community. I realized that the girl guide activities did totally change my personality. I became a confident person to offer public speech. In Form 2, I decided to join the life-saving team in school, I suddenly grew much taller in that summer as I kept swimming practice through the whole summer. My happiest time was in secondary school, I somehow enjoyed the school life, I studied in a girls school, our school motto is Brave, Gentle and Sincere. Mostly, our girls were brave, partially sincere but not gentle. We were as active as boys.

I found that my personality had great transformation when I had dating. I became much more girlish and sentimental. I seldom cried when seeing tragedy before, but then I usually associated my feeling to those movie characters and cried a lot. And I also found that someone you supposed he loved you will hurt you bad. They were different from family members, friends and classmates I met before in my life. I found I became more fragile and pessimistic, I started to hate myself at that moment.

It was my great turning point to meet my husband Jeffrey. He gave me a role model of how to live in an optimistic way, his life was not smoother than anyone of us but his mentality and value was great. Surely Jeffrey is not a perfect person but he is flawless to me.

After we became together, I worked harder in my study, and lived healthier than before.

In 2001, I made a brave (or silly) decision to quit my fairly good job to study Anthropology. Studying something you're interest in but without any economic value seems crazy in Hong Kong, but I wanted to walk my path different from others, then I met lot of smart people and good friends. I had no income that year, but thanks so much that my parent gave me some pocket money. I would not forget how they supported me to actualize my dream. At that year, I grow a lot mentally. I experienced what eternal happiness means, I put greatest effort in my study and cut all the material consumption. The feeling was just fantastic.

Now I had got married with my beloved husband, I still had a close connection with my parental family, especially my lovely sister. My life is blissful and full of joy. Difficulties and painfulness only polished me to be a stronger person.

Sunday, April 25, 2004 (Cloudy and shower)
Something I want to jot down today:

* I have no guts to use the free Dior skin foundation sachet sample which stuck on the ad in Marie Claire.
* I cried when I saw Big Fish in theatre, no one except me cried.
* Hot yoga practice improves my body strength a lot, but I have not experienced the positive effect on my emotion, I guess I should put more effort in meditation part.
* I bought a Tony & Tina eyeline pencil, it is royal blue color, it helps me to complete a chic style makeup, my sister also bought one.
* Someone drank a can of China made beer with poor quality, I do not need to give him a lecture, he had his own self-learning lesson, because he had headache and butterfly in stomach. (Dear someone, you know I am talking about you).
* My sister sent me a bottle of Kenzo perfume (Limited Edition) as a birthday present, I love the scent so much.
* The summer is appraoching, my lavender at the balcony grows strongly and prettily.

April 22, 2004 (Thu) Sunny

Last night I had a nightmare.

I dreamed I was sitting in an examination of Chinese literature. I had great confident on this paper (I usually had good result in my Chinese writing). My friends asked me to sit besides them. However when the examination almost started, I found that I was sitting in a wrong place. Then I found my right place and stayed there breathlessly. When the examination started, I found that the exam paper was for junior form but not my level. I raised up my hand and asked the examiner for the correct paper.

It was what ashame that those examiners just stood in front of me and kept chatting, no one realized that I was in need of help. Then a boy sat besides me brought me out and searched for a correct paper. When he found it out, the chief examiner suspected that we were stealing the paper or intended to commit any cheating behavior. I felt so frustrated and complaint that it was their responsibility to keep an eye on student who needed help, and it was their fault to send me the wrong paper and wasted about half an hour. The examination time was only two hours.

I kept complaining and explaining until I woke myself up... So every Sigmund Freud, Carl Jung or Abraham Maslow, if you know any implication of this nightmare, please send me an email, thanks.

April 19, 2004 (Mon) Sunny

Today is a lovely fair day after the heavy downpour last Saturday, the spring breeze wipes across my face. But today is not a very nice day for me. I slept late last night and then got headache this morning, the feeling is like hangover after a party, I did not go to any party but had hiking in the afternoon and back home after dinner.

Since I have quitted my job, I would not have a proper lunch if I decided not to go out. I live in the middle level of a hill, there are no convenient store nearby, and I am too lazy to grap my shoes and then walked to downhill for a bowl of noodle, therefore I used to stay at home and eat biscuits or cereal. This afternoon, I worked hard on sending job application and then I skipped my lunch. Instead, I remeber to take two capsules of green tea supplement (it is my new habit, to fight against the antioxidant, which described on its bottle). 10 minutes later, I felt sick and threw up, then I realised that I forgot to eat enough before taking the supplement.

I think I am silly and act like a twelve years old.

Last Saturday is my nephew Lok Lok's birthday, a bunch of kids were invited, thousands of birthday presents were upwrapped and all kids played crazily. The living room became a battlefield. I do love children but such scenario suffocated me. You have to be patient and energizing to be a parent!

Kids are monsters with angel faces!

April 14, 2004 (Wed) Cloudy

I've read an impressive article in Marie Claire May, 04 (UK Edition), the title is 'How does ages change your body?' 9 woman in their ages from 15-62, showed their totally naked bodies confidently and shared how they perceive their bodies.

Joy Hussey, 62 years old in size 12 is the most beautiful women among them, she looked fabulous and confident. She said she did ballet a lot when she was young and could maintain muscle tone and body shape even after her second child birth when she was 37. Joy believed that she looks prettier than 20 years ago, even some wrinkles crawled over her face, she thought wrinkles made her looked interesting.

Another girl, Aurora Fleming, 19 years old in size 8 is young and attractive, but she thought she was too skinny and not sexy until she met her ex-boyfriend three years ago. He let her understood that not all men love curvy blondies.

Women always concern about their outlook, many of us do not satisfy with our body and appearance. Under the enormous social pressure, we try to lose several pounds everyday, we are forcing ourselves not to eat as much as we like, we hope to look like sexy goddess likes the image of celebrities and models in magazine or TV. Hundreds of ads with slim bodies (even skinny bodies) bombard us everyday. It seems that it is a guilt if you do not look perfect. However, in this article, I found that even slim girl like Aurora thought she was invisible because of her size 8 body. What we should learn is to love our body, to accept our appearance, it is the gift from our parents.

Petra Joy, 40 years in size 10 mentioned that her male colleague said the sexiest woman is the one being confortable and confident with their naked body. She is a erotic firm producer.

I hope every girl could now start to live for themselves instead of for others' comment. It will make them happier.

April 6, 04 Cloudy

Last Sunday was Chang Ming festival, a day for people to worship their ancestors.

That day, I joined my husband's family and visited their home village in Dongguan. That village located at suburb area of Dongguan, it is a single lineage village. All residents had the same family name YUEN, which is also my husband's family name.The whole village participated agricultural acitivities in the previous time. Many villagers had already moved the city centre, Hong Kong or oversea to involve in the totally differnet lifestyle.

All ancestors' grave yard just situated besides farmland or fish pond, it is really shocking me. 'Didn't the villagers scare when they worked in farmland and when they pick up their head, they could see the grave in front of them?' I asked my husband, then he said the villagers believed ancestors are their family members or neighbours, they would not hurt them, and even hope to get closer to them, to form a link in their daily life. 'Of course,' he added, 'It is not the same story if the dead was someone you hated, people may spit on one's grave when everytime passed by.

Therotically speaking, graves there cannot be claimed as graveyards, because the bones of each ancestor were stored in a ceramic container and exposed on the ground. People digged a very shallow hole on the ground and put it there and secured its position with stones. There is then no name indicated of someone who is R.I.P. Almost the whole container could be seen. When their decendants visit the grave, they would dig a handful of fresh soil and put at the top of the container. Therefore the more frequent the decendants 'sweep their grave', the taller the 'tower' of the soil on or besides the container.