Very early morning

Now is 5:39am, I had just fed little Linus in this very early morning.

I have had the 'night shift' of feeding and nappy change for almost a month, somehow get used to the routine.

Linus is sleeping satisfied next to me. He always smiles after feeding. Medical researches claimed that such 'smiling' is just a kind of non-emotional muscle movement which usually happens on new born babies, but I do not agree with it, I still believe they can show genuine happiness by curling up their little lips.

I am planning to have a haircut this morning. I was thinking about having a medium length bob hair. However, well, one of the good things when you reach my age, you have plenty experiences of awful, regretful haircut, you know too well which hairstyles you will look good with. I do not want to take a risk... As I have thick, wavy and coarse hair texture, a bad haircut will make me wrestling with every strand of hair every morning.

On top of this, I do not look chic in many ways...I do not look good in smokey eyes, I discovered it after I had a make up class in Lola. Well, I better stick with long feminine hair look, even though I really want to try new thing...hairstyle cannot be joked with.

Growing up

Growing up is not funny, sometimes.

Once a new born baby was pushed out from the womb, she has to face a new whole world. The new environment is no longer dim, moist, warm and comfort. Instead, she is bombarded with various simulations. Such fears caused fierce crying frequently in her first few months.

Time flies and the baby reaches the toddler stage. Many sparkling ivory tiny teeth drill out from the gum. It signifies a new milestone as she can now experience all yummy food as other people. However, the pain and itch of teeth growing is unbearable. The baby feels frustrated and suffering.

This little baby is transforming into a adorable kid. This is the first day of her kindergarten life. She is shocked by a roomful of strangers - many little men and women packed in the class. She wants her mother's hugs, she needs to get back into her comfort zone, she cries the whole day.

Life keeps going on and she is in her puberty phase. Well, this stage is even more perplexing - hormonal changes flip her life, the identity crisis, the overwhelming self-consciousness, the first yet painful love...... She cannot understand why her parents always comment she is having the best time of her life, they thinks she does not have to worry about livelihood. At the same time, the parents cannot understand why she feels stressful always, they feel upset because their daughter is somehow like a stranger.

She is a new graduate now. She thinks the new horizon is ahead and waiting for her to explore, but the reality is not as polished as she believe. She acts stupidly in front of her co-workers, she is now in the workforce but she does not belong to the place. She broke up with her college boyfriend, she cannot accept that someone she loves that much hurts her so badly. She feels she is in the middle of no where. Again, she wants to get back into comfort zone, if any.

This young woman is a tough girl and she can get through all these eventually. She now becomes a confident and elegant woman. She does not follow the life schedule that everybody believes - to reach Mr. right in mid-twenty and get married and have kids before 30, instead, she travels all over the world in her best years. She broadens her visions, experiences different cultures. She end up gets married in 38 and has a kid in 40.

She is no longer a young woman and she is reaching the age of retirement. Again, she is having age crisis again. She wonders if she would have no further achievement in her life. She thought she would be a very successful business woman one day, she could conquer the world and her face would be shown in different international magazine covers. However, the reality is far different from what she dreamt when she was 20.

After the transitional stage, she is now in her 65. She feels this is the happiest moment in her life. She accepts her true self finally. She is proud of her, she is now comfortable with her wrinkled but gorgeous face.

********

This is not a real story, but I think you can find a portion of yourself in it. Life is not easy but experiences bring us genuine happiness once you passed through the difficulties. My friends, I wish you all are proud of yourself and be cheerful!!!

The Fine Art of The Big Talk

Finally, I had read something more serious - The Fine Art of The Big Talk. Its subtitle is captivating - How to win client, deliver great presentation and solve conflict at work. I am sure you will become the most brilliant star in workplace if you can achieve all these things.

Of course, reading this book won't turn you into a great presentator, unless you keep learning and incorporate the techniques in daily life. The essence in communication she suggested is Positve thinking.

We interact with many people in workplace, all of us come from different background. Conflicts raised unavoidably sometimes, but the key thing is how to solve the problem positively, and always focus on the problems instead of persons.

The book is precise and easy to read, there is no complex theory but showing communication skills in various situation, such as - how to manage the conversation on track, to identify the big talk danger signs, to send positive energy, to get a great closure of discussion, to overcome stage fright during presentation.

Highly recommended.

Damn exhausted

I feel sleepy in every waking moment.

It is the toughest time, I should feed baby in the midnight everyday - around 0:00 and 3:00am. I should also change his diaper before feeding, and hug him after feeding. The whole process is around 30-45 mins.

I will let Jeff to do the 7:00am session, because I should do 'milk production' in that timeslot.

That is why I always sleep like a pig in the afternoon.

******

I still have not discussed with my bosses about my maternity leave arrangement, the salary and bonus payment had not yet settled down. After the year-end payment of all my insurance charges, investment and tax, I've just found my saving had been eaten up. I am not penny-less, but absolutely reached the poverty level. Oh my goodness, I become a pathetic poor mother who is too lazy to work because she is exhausted all the time......

I need money, I need to buy myself bread... and beautiful dress... and gorgeous shoes...

Valentine's Day

Yesterday was the Valentine's Day. Jeff and I did not have any special celebration, as we were fully occupied by two babies. We just went out for breakfast with Lucas, and watched Little Miss Sunshine DVD at night. I was so content even though the day could not be described as 'romantic', the two babies are already our best gifts to each other.





I always joked that another best Valentine's Day gift Jeff sent me is the latest version of Medela Swing Electronic Breast Pump. This state-of-an-art machine has two phase pumping program which designed to imitate baby sucking. It helps me to generate loads of milk effortlessly, I wonder if the designer should be offered a Nobel Prize. It is expensive (more than $1000), but Jeff said breast-feeding is a tough work, it is worth to invest in a best pump.

Wakakakak, I am really joking, Jeff bought it right after I gave birth to Linus. Technically this is not a Valentine's Day gift, but I think new fathers can think about it as a unique gift in this special day. When other women are receiving diamonds, perfumes or branded bags, but you can get a cutting edge breast pump, how fabulous and unique it is!!!

Weirdo

One night I felt so energetic, then I logged in my blog, and searched typos in my previous entries and corrected them.

Jeff passed by and stared at me in dismay, seemed I was the biggest idiot in the world, then he said 'What a weird woman are you? You really have this kind of obsession to correct things.'

I don't think I am insane, am I?

Shopaholic and baby

I did tell myself not to buy another Shopaholic series again when I was reading 'Shopaholic ties the knot', I thought they were totally brainless.

However, as I wish to keep myself in good mood in these few weeks, I bought loads of silly yet hilarious readings. 'Shopaholic & baby' is one of them.

I read this book when I was 'producing' breast milk. Imagine I was holding the pump in one hand and grabbing this book in another hand, given that I have milk production 4 times a day, 30 minutes each time, I finish reading it in 10 days.

It performs what it is supposed to be. I burst into laugh always. There are many ridiculous scenes, such as in a baby fair, people let Becky to jumped the line in front of a cashier, because everyone thought she was pregnant and brought a small baby with her when shopping, however, she was actually using a pram as a trolley to keep all useless baby stuff she shopped, plus a huge bear toy they thought it was a baby girl; her false laboring; her yummiest mommy interview with Vogue, etc.,

I would recommend it to moms-to-be or new mothers if they need something funny to cheer up.

Rebirth

I just feel very well.

Linus's arrival totally changed my life. I mean, right before and after the delivery, the pain transforms me to a new person, I become more confident and determined.

I should say thanks to my obstetrician, she guided me through those critical days, and finally, she helped me to deliver a healthy premature baby. When she knew Linus is healthy enough to get back home, she was genuinely happy and clapped hands.

Did I tell you that there was literally a roomful of people in delivery room, when I was giving birth? Which included Jeff, my obstetrician, two midwives, several nurses, and a pediatrician. The key reason is related specialists should stand by in case baby is in difficult situation. However, another major reason is, it was not peak hour and some nurses were interested to see natural delivery, as most moms-to-be decided to go for C-section recently.

So when I used my last strength to push the baby out, I heard the big applause from 'audience' came along with baby cries, seems that I really had done a good show.

Linus is at home now and having a sound sleep.

Jeff keeps me company always, including all those mid-night feedings. Both of us are extremely tired but happy, simply because Linus is getting stronger and stronger.

It is unavoidable that I am weepy and feel down in some moments - baby blue is perfectly normal during postpartum period, but most of the time, I feel great.

My mother is impressed when she knows I bath Linus by myself. I am proud of myself too - Linus is so tiny and slippery but so far I manage it.

I know I can be a good mother!!

Readings in my maternity leave

As Linus is still in hospital, I try to relax and maintain my good mood in these few days. A challenging, truly motherhood is right ahead.

To kill time when pumping breast milk, I love reading. I am still having nesting instinct (an urge to collect something, it is common amongst expectant mother in the last few weeks of pregnancy). I bought loads of light readings, including books and magazines, which simply bring me fun. I do not want to think too much at the moment.

I am so content, but I'd rather spend all my time Linus and Lucas. Hope we can have a true reunion right before Chinese New Year.