Pamper myself

I worked very hard last week, then I am sick, having a cold again. Something I don't understand how come I should work so hard everyday for such little monetary reward, what is the meaning of life? The art of exploitation?

Therefore this weekend I tried to pamper myself.

Today I woke up late and then went for the facial and eye treatment in Clarins. Then I brought two CDs in HK Record, one is the new CD from Katie Melua. Her voice is sweet and special, she led me to have a long nap in the afternoon.

Tonight, I had body scrub during the shower, then moisturized my skin with clarin's Eau Tranquility body lotion. Wow, the aroma is very nice!!! Now I am ready to go bed.

Haagen-Dazs Rum Raisin & symbolic analysis

I suspect someone is implementing a secret planning - to add some weights on me!!!

Guess what, some one in my flat (you know, there are only me and him in our flat) bought a BUCKET of Haagen-Dazs ice-cream, with my most favourite flavor - Rum Raisin, and now it is on my left hand side, right next to my notebook... Oh my goodness, what is his intention??!! He just tries to push me into the ice-cream and sugar craving trap.

Jeff and I saw Star War Episode III - Revenge of the Sith yesterday afternoon, wow it is awesome!! It is so sad to witness Anakin sold his soul to the dark force and became Darth Vader.

Remembered that when I studied Anthropology, our class discussed about Star War and Harry Potter. Both stories have one similarity - Harry Potter and Luke Skywalker also inherited energy/power from the darkness. For example, the scar on Harry Potter's forehead contained the dark power from Voldermort, while Luke is the son of Darth Vader. Isn't it interesting.

Oh you see? Anthropologists obsessed in symbolic analysis, we are quite weird, frankly speaking.

Malaysia – Truly Asia

Almost finished my 5 days business trip in Malaysia. You may wish to know what I learnt in this journey. Intellectually, I don’t think I know quite a lot, but physically, I am sure I gain several stones, because in everyday someone paid me a lunch or dinner and I could not refuse to eat.

There is much open and green area in KL than HK, and the air quality is fine. The weather is pretty unstable, but storm comes and leaves fast, and you then will feel the sun shining above your head warmly.

As I am staying in the central business district in KL, I could even see the twin towers from my hotel; the impression that this place gives me is beautiful and prosperous. However, I am sure this country is more than this. Malaysia is a hybrid place of various ethnicities, multi-languages and diversified landscape. Hope I could have chance to explore more.

This is the first time for me to have a formal oversea business trip, and the almost the first time to stay in a hotel room all by myself. In the first night, I scared a lot and could not fall asleep. However, in the next few days, I implemented a 4-pillow policy, i.e. using the 4 pillows to surround me, 1 under my head, 1 under my legs, 2 on each side, then I could have a sound sleep.
Hurray, I will come home tonight. Jeff missed me a lot, and also my family and friends. Just can’t wait to meet you all!

Haunting No More

Well, finally, I offered my internal presentation this afternoon, with very limited time.

I had been haunted by this presentation for almost three weeks. Every weekend I wanted to work on it, because there was no time could be squeezed to do such extra work. But I could not start working on it until last Saturday.

I guessed I looked suck right after the presentation because my dear Samantha approached me and tried to comfort me. I felt that I did bad job in the presentation, I was too nervous and spoiled this 'show', my expectation was too high, but at the same time, I had no confidence to myself.

You know what, before I stood up to do the presentation, I looked at myself through the one-side mirror, I asked myself, 'how come I look so ugly today? I just realized that my eyes are very small, and the fringe before the forehead..... yuck...' My psychological condition was extremely poor. I know that during the presentation, I kept pulling the hair in front my forehead.

Even someone gave me appreciation, I supposed that they deluded me.

How come I have such feeling?? My confidence is draining away.

Insomnia

Right, now is 2:30 in the early morning. I could not sleep. I supposed that I had fallen a very long sleep after watching 'Sex and the city' at midnight, then I just found that only one hour had passed.

Frank, in this week, I am so annoyed to myself when I was alone. I exaggerated a lot of tiny little things. I felt upset because I could not have a proper dinner in last five working days. I felt dehydrated because the hydration mask I use recently does not really fit me. I hated myself that I had not done any exercise in these two weeks. And most of all, I know I am haunted by the internal presentation. It is so ashamed to admit that I am pressurized by such tiny little internal show in the company, and I mistakenly link it with my personal honour and shame, but I want to work my best on this job, at the same time I always want to hide away from it.

I am going to present the cross-cultural study of vampire folklore on the coming Thursday. It was one of the term papers of my Anthropology course three years ago. I was also extremely stressful when I prepared this paper at that time. I could not sleep for a whole month, I felt suffocated all the time, I mean it literally, I felt that there was a vitural rope tied over my neck, the feeling was so horrible. Eventually, that paper won a prize, it was a honour I was always looking for.

This time, I am not seeking for any honour, but I wish to get some approval, at least. Remember in last time internal presentation, I really got almost no comment from anyone else. It could not be a bad sign actually, but at that moment, I felt myself invisible and unimportant. Rationally, I knew clearly that my existence is not defined by others reaction or comment at circumstance, but... I hate myself so much that I am so sensitive and think too too much.

Alright, throw out bunch of words, I guess I am tired enough and could go back to sleep.

Feel Better

Tonight I left office at 10pm, when colleague were leaving and saw me on the seat, they encouraged me and said no wonder I am a 'never-give-up-Dai-Manki'. Literally, I had finished an enormous project - a 150 pages ad analysis BY THE END OF THE DAY. I re-confirmed my client this afternoon that I promised him BY THE END OF THE DAY did mean it, i.e. before 12:00 midnight.

Yesterday our queen Kelly Larry (this is a nick name) anticipated her ultimate power in the office and criticized we young executives again... then I knew that she addressed us as 'bloody executives'... well, I know that actually she didn't mean it, and sometimes she shot out some words without a second thought, but I felt a bit uneasy when my chubby neighbor told me about it. Poor chubby neighbor was the target yesterday, Kelly snapped her door close and shouted at him from around 7:30pm to 9:00pm.

Miracles sometimes appear in some moments. The friends I loved to bully her with other friends when we were in lower form turned out to be the one who mostly understands me in that peer circle. I talked with her for an hour about my unhappiness, she taught me to let go, if someone treated me bad, forget it and should not bear it on my back forever. It is an everyone-know-wisdom, but it seems she winked at me and suddenly the light bulb above my head switched on, I feel much comfortable now.

Jeff was also very nice in the past few days, I worked quite late recently, luckily he cooked the dinner for me. Yesterday he knew that I was upset and cried, then he did the dish also. He is so wonderful!!

Grace, you are right, we have families and friends who love us all the time.

Zero level productivity

I planned to work in this long weekend on last Friday evening. Then, I almost did nothing in these three days.

Also in this weekend, I found that there is a problem between me and a group of my friends... I don't want to explain here, but I just feel we got a distance among us. To be frank, I felt hurt many times before, and I could not manage to assume nothing had happened and being close friends with them like when we were in secondary school.

In these three days, I made a dinner to my parent-in-law and Lok Lok B. I cooked the apple soup and Lok Lok loved it a lot. Today, I shopped with Meiki for a mother day's gift and we chatted a lot during lunch. It is so nice to spend time to someone I love.