Bitterly sweet

It's 0:33 now. I just have had the last 'milk production' of today.
Baby Lucas is sleeping next to me, it is the second day he wants to stay next to us at night.

I had just read a blog of a 15 years old girl. We know each other but I do not think she will think I am also her blog reader. I better not to tell her. Her diaries fill with bitterly sweet, she is on her way to discover her true self, to understand who she is.

Well, this is what I am doing, even I reach 30 years old, and am turning into 31 next month.

I love my secondary school life, my teenage years were easier than some girls, I guess. I studied in a girls school, beauty consciousness was not strong enough to make me felt inadequate or miserable. I had load of great friends around me, although one or two hurt me really really bad in the later years. My school works were good enough for me to enter the university, but not very brilliant. I found myself a lucky girl even though I had a very shitty 19 years old.

But I do not want to live my teenage life again, if there is really a chance.

I hate that miserable feeling, which people usually experience in their adolescence. I always felt I missed something, I did not understand what I really want, I could not figure out what the meaning of life. I felt inadequate when I looked at those on TV who were already famous but younger than me...

Yes, I still have such feelings now, but once you live longer, you are smarter to not letting such miseries to bother you always.

Sometime when I look at the two kids, I wonder how they will be. I just want them to be happy and to proud of themselves.